Franchise Jokes

Comedy is a great way to deal with pain. These franchise jokes may seem funny, but they are extremely painful if you are a franchisee, or former franchisee, and the bankruptcy joke is on you.

Franchise fraud is no laughing matter.

What’s a shorter way to say “Franchise”? “Fraud.”

What is the accounting department called at a franchisor? Accounts deceivable.

What is the fancy 401K rollover investment called when you roll it into your franchise? Leavenworth.

Franchisee is the future tense of bankrupt.

Being a franchisee provides security for your bankruptcy attorney.

My franchisor found out what I had – and took it!

A franchisor’s lawyer is an expert on justice, just like a hooker is an expert on love.

What’s the difference between a franchisor’s lawyer and a hooker? There are some things a hooker won’t do.

What tax shelter do you get from being a franchisee? Unemployment. Destitute.

What’s the definition of a franchisee? Someone on a three year trip to bankruptcy court (and a rest stop at divorce court). 

Definition of Comedy: when you see the truth in someone else’s pain.

Tragedy: when you see the truth in the pain, and the pain is your pain.

Franchisee: when you see the truth in your financial pain, and your franchisor is laughing at your pain while sailing to their off-shore bank with your life savings, and your name is on the back of their boat.  

In the old days, an investor bought a franchise to make money. Now, a franchisor signs up investors to just get their money.

What is the second best day of a skipper’s life? When they buy a boat. What is the best day of a skipper’s life? When they sell the boat.
What is the second best day of an entrepreneur’s life? When they buy a franchise. What is the best day of an entrepreneur’s life? When they file for bankruptcy a few years later.  

Top ways to invest your money as a franchisee:
8. Avoid franchising!
7. Go in to business yourself, with the most expensive tools, and see #8.
6. Have your spouse get a job, with another franchise.
5. Have your children get a job, with another franchise.
4. Work for a franchise for a year, get paid, enjoy benefits, and see if the franchisee owner is really making money.
3. Pick up coins you find on the sidewalk in front of a franchise.
2. Find money under seat cushions at a franchise, go to a Casino with that money, and get free drinks at the slot machines.
1. Become a franchisor, create a franchise “system” around a dubious product value, brag about your franchise training and franchise marketing materials, blame the franchisee when things don’t work, “gag” failed franchisees with franchise termination confidentiality agreements (with endorsement from the FTC via the Franchise Rule) threats of frivolous lawsuits, stay under the Federal Trade Commission 20% gag order threshold limits, and churn franchisees of their self directed 401K, second mortgage, life savings, dreams, and Hope.  

Top things to do with your money instead of throwing it away on a franchise license:
3. Go to school and get a degree, or job training.
2. Open a similar business across the street from a franchise business opportunity, and wait for the franchise to fail. Because you don’t have to pay onerous monthly royalties to a franchisor, your costs will be lower, and you can undercut the franchisees prices, and drive them out of business. It sucks to be a franchisee!
1. Go spend your life savings on a two year vacation. At least you will enjoy yourself while you burn through your retirement, instead of two years of hell marching toward bankruptcy court (and no vacations).